Comparing Apples and Oranges

Any day now, New York will officially lose its standing as the nation’s 3rd largest state to Florida, according to the Census Bureau.

Ten percent of those permanently flying, driving or hitching south are from New York. How do most people decide to abandon our great city for the land of George Zimmerman and Rick Scott? After extensive interviews, I’ve discovered it’s usually a three-step process: 1) step outside; 2) fall on ice; 3) head to airport.

Nope, this brutal winter has not helped our standing. Our latest winter storm makes seven in seven weeks.

Contrary to popular belief, the majority of those making the move are not seniors__40% of those migrating south are under the age of 25.

Ever been to Florida? Besides the heat and micro-bikinis on South Beach, the next thing you notice are the store names: New York Pizza, New York Bagels. Of course, the bagels and pizza in Florida would make a real New Yorker retch. But I guess over time nostalgia overtakes memory.

If you are pondering the move, here are a few things to keep in mind. As a walking city with 24/7 public transportation, New York is one of the only places in the U.S. where a car is unnecessary. In Florida, not only will you need wheels, but you’ll have to deal with lunatics speeding down I-95 while yakking on their cell phones. Drivers can also text while driving, if they’re willing to pay a laughable $30 fine if stopped.

As opposed to our strict gun laws, you can stroll into your Florida Walmart and pick up an assault rifle along with your sunscreen and 32-ounce soda.

Then again, you can swim in the ocean year-round! Just keep in mind that like the New York “snowbirds” that fly down for the winter, sharks are often spotted in Florida waters until about mid-April as well.

Yes, more people will smile and say good morning to you in sunny Florida. Then again, if you don’t respond properly, they may pull a gun on you, especially if they feel threatened by your New York accent.

Still thinking of leaving? Proceed at your own risk.

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5 Responses to Comparing Apples and Oranges

  1. GatorCountry says:

    Mike! I saw this re-posted over at amNY and wanted to write you a thank-you note for providing a valuable service to both New Yorkers and Floridians. I live in Florida – Jacksonville, to be specific – and I can personally confirm that everything you said about Florida is 100% true.

    This place is TERRIFYING. I had a friend who moved here from New York about a year ago, and he actually got SHOT by an assault-rifle-wielding HAMMERHEAD SHARK while eating a DOMINOS PIZZA in Jax Beach!

    I am going to do my part to make sure this post is seen by as many people as possible! I’m shouting it from the mountaintops (which are only about 4ft above sea level down here) – STAY OUT OF FLORIDA!

  2. Fred says:

    I think your characterization of Florida is way overblown. Yes, all those negatives are true. But unless you move to a place like Nebraska–depressing movie by the way–every state has it’s pluses and minuses. With Florida now outpacing New York with very few residents returning, I’d say people are more happy here than up north. On the plus side, once a new resident becomes comfortable with a firearm he/she will perform beautifully in a ‘stand your ground’ situation.

  3. Elizabeth M says:

    I was in New York in Nov of 2011 and the people were friendlier there than when I was in Florida last year. I loved being in New York City and I have fond memories. I hope to be there again this November.


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