Did I Miss Anything?

Sorry to have been away so long, but my play March Madness just closed Sunday at the Abingdon Theatre after a successful run. After being huddled inside the theater for almost a month and totally concentrating on my play, I wonder: Did I miss anything important? Didn’t think so.

Time now to just kick back on the couch and mellow out with a handful of Twinkies. Pardon me? Twinkies went bankrupt? People are hoarding them as collector’s items?

Can’t we count on anything anymore? One thing that never changes is the gross mismanagement of the MTA. Excuse me? New MTA chairman Joseph Lhota handled Hurricane Sandy operations so flawlessly that he’s now considering a run for NYC Mayor? Stop pulling my leg!

Speaking of the storm, I was relieved to hear that Obama’s competent handling of it gave him the momentum to handily defeat Mitt Romney and be reelected President. The weak GOP field leaves them scrambling for a viable candidate in 2016, and they need someone not tainted by the recent GOP primary fiasco. I have just the man for them, a Republican who gets universal respect: General and ex-CIA spy chief David Petraeus.

What’s that? Petraeus was caught in a tawdry love triangle, exchanging steamy e-mails with his biographer/paramour? Yikes, our master of clandestine operations didn’t know that the “e” in email stands for “everyone can see it, stupid?”

How did this happen? The only thing that makes sense is that the general finally took the “Make Love, Not War” chants he’s heard all his life to heart. Good luck with the little woman, David!

My God, what else? Chris Christie put his arms around President Obama and snubbed Romney the final week of the campaign, with the big guy blubbering like a baby when Obama put Bruce Springsteen on the line?

Mayor Bloomberg stubbornly insisted on holding the NYC Marathon, using generators that could help families without power on his precious race until outraged editorials and screamed profanities in the street made him reconsider?

And Texas, Alabama and Mississippi have filed petitions to secede from the union?

Ok, the news isn’t all bad.

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