Don’t you hate waiting in line at the Post Office or DMV? How do you feel this week about the IRS? Do you know who runs these evil operations? You got it– the government!
Luckily, we have the Republican Party to save us. Social Security is undeniably one of the more successful government programs, certainly a step up from the grim poorhouses the elderly were shuttled off to pre-Social Security. But the Republicans have come up with a way to make it even better: Hand over your money to those avuncular guys on Wall Street to
plunder professionally manage.
Who could argue with that? Certainly not Mitt Romney, who is proposing his own version of that wondrous initiative first proposed by sharp-as-a-tack President George W. Bush to at least partially privatize Social Security. Then we can all rest easy!
But why stop there? Can’t New Yorkers learn from these wise leaders with only our best interests at heart? Why can’t we privatize our unique assets for maximum return and efficiency?
For starters, why is Central Park still public? Wouldn’t it be even better in private hands? I’m sure some rich NYC entreprenuer would be eager to give something back to the city by taking over its operations. And we know who would be first in line, don’t we?
Yes, Central Trump! Monuments to his greatness, to his largesse, to his hair would grace the wonderful private space. He would charge fees not only to get into the zoo, but to go onto Sheep (now Trump) Meadow, to gaze at the magnificant Trump Trees and possibly meet the man himself. Imagine how much The Donald would pony up to put his own
vulgar glittering stamp on that city jewel–money that would enrich city coffers. Talk about win-win capitalism!
But wait, there’s more. Let’s privatize the streets! Why allow the poor or homeless to stroll down Broadway gratis? Don’t we realize they make the tourists uncomfortable? If moguls charge even $5 a person to walk down Broadway, Columbus, 5th or Madison Avenue, imagine the revenues that could be pulled in when the city gets its cut!
Of course, if you’re white, rich and connected, all the above fees will be waived.