In the late 1950s/early 1960s, the right wingnut John Birch Society sounded the alarm that putting fluoride in our drinking water, supposedly to prevent cavities, was really a communist mind control plot, and that the new state of Alaska was being set up as a prison camp for American patriots.
Cut to 2012. The right wingnut Tea Party, a majority on Florida’s west coast Pinellas County , has taken on this ancient battle to remove fluoride from the county’s drinking water. Why? According to a local Tea Party leader, “fluoride is part of the globalist agenda to keep America stupid.”
Apparently the plan is working.
The latest example? The Girl Scout Council of Greater New York (and equivilant councils across America) now offers guidance to combat bullying (of girls, gays, etc) along with their annual cookie drive. A noble cause? Ha! How about a radical front to destroy America?
Bob Morris, an Indiana state legislator and modern day Paul Revere, was the first to sound the alarm. Morris called the Girl Scouts “a radicalized group with a homosexual agenda that promotes abortion while seeking the destruction of true American values.” Really he did.
In normal times when someone speaks like this, a man with a white coat and big net isn’t far behind. But of course, these are far from normal times. And as Morris notes, other brave, maverick Americans were also called crazy in their day. Yes, like the Wright Brothers. And Charles Manson.
How, you ask, did Morris uncover this vast Girl Scout conspiracy? According to the man himself, through “a small amount of research on the internet.” Say no more!
When a religious fanatic witch hunter like Rabid Rick Santorum who bashes birth control, working women and college as indoctrination plots is taken seriously as a Presidental candidate, you might think we’ve gone way over the edge into mass psychosis.
But what if he and the other Tea Party types are right? What if this year’s Girl Scout Council of Greater New York CCC (Corporate Cookie Connection) program actually stands for something more sinister– perhaps contraception, commies and college?
And what’s in those cookies anyway? What is it that makes sweet little girls turn so fiendishly aggressive peddling their little boxes of traitorous treats, blocking supermarket entrances and pounding on your door? Something in the water, perhaps?
Sure they look innocent. Of course they do. That’s when you let down your guard, buy and gobble down a few of their “thin mints” and suddenly find yourself running naked across a college campus so you’re not late for the wedding of your lesbian science professor!
But the Girl Scouts aren’t the only traitors in our midst. Oh no. Although I’m uncertain about the next group that will be righteously hunted down as a menace to traditional American values. New Yorkers? Left handers? Guys with beards?
OMG, I’m all three!