In the late 1950s/early 1960s, the right wingnut John Birch Society sounded the alarm that putting fluoride in our drinking water, supposedly to prevent cavities, was really a communist mind control plot, and that the new state of Alaska was being set up as a prison camp for American patriots.
Cut to 2012. The right wingnut Tea Party, a majority on Florida’s west coast Pinellas County , has taken on this ancient battle to remove fluoride from the county’s drinking water. Why? According to a local Tea Party leader, “fluoride is part of the globalist agenda to keep America stupid.”
Apparently the plan is working.
The latest example? The Girl Scout Council of Greater New York (and equivilant councils across America) now offers guidance to combat bullying (of girls, gays, etc) along with their annual cookie drive. A noble cause? Ha! How about a radical front to destroy America?
Bob Morris, an Indiana state legislator and modern day Paul Revere, was the first to sound the alarm. Morris called the Girl Scouts “a radicalized group with a homosexual agenda that promotes abortion while seeking the destruction of true American values.” Really he did.
In normal times when someone speaks like this, a man with a white coat and big net isn’t far behind. But of course, these are far from normal times. And as Morris notes, other brave, maverick Americans were also called crazy in their day. Yes, like the Wright Brothers. And Charles Manson.
How, you ask, did Morris uncover this vast Girl Scout conspiracy? According to the man himself, through “a small amount of research on the internet.” Say no more!
When a religious fanatic witch hunter like Rabid Rick Santorum who bashes birth control, working women and college as indoctrination plots is taken seriously as a Presidental candidate, you might think we’ve gone way over the edge into mass psychosis.
But what if he and the other Tea Party types are right? What if this year’s Girl Scout Council of Greater New York CCC (Corporate Cookie Connection) program actually stands for something more sinister– perhaps contraception, commies and college?
And what’s in those cookies anyway? What is it that makes sweet little girls turn so fiendishly aggressive peddling their little boxes of traitorous treats, blocking supermarket entrances and pounding on your door? Something in the water, perhaps?
Sure they look innocent. Of course they do. That’s when you let down your guard, buy and gobble down a few of their “thin mints” and suddenly find yourself running naked across a college campus so you’re not late for the wedding of your lesbian science professor!
But the Girl Scouts aren’t the only traitors in our midst. Oh no. Although I’m uncertain about the next group that will be righteously hunted down as a menace to traditional American values. New Yorkers? Left handers? Guys with beards?
OMG, I’m all three!
Oh no, not my beloved Thin Mints! I actually once met and interviewed the Father of Fluoride, Dr. Russ Scobie of Newburgh, NY, who was instrumental in getting it added to the municipal water supply. He was hounded by the crazoids all his life, but at least for awhile, the dentists were going broke.
Anyway, I wanted to thank you for your kind remarks in today’s Gail Collins thread. Incidentally, even though I am a “trusted commenter” the NYT does not really trust me. They have actually been removing some of my stuff on a somewhat regular basis. (I think they do this to others as well). Plus, I got an email yesterday announcing that I am now simply a “verified” contributor. I am thus reminded that we are all merely guest immigrants in the vaunted halls of the Old Gray Lady, subject to deportation at any moment.
My pleasure, Karen. How nice that the Times rewarded you for all the readers you bring to their site by reducing your status! I was a “trusted commenter” for all of 48 hours, when they suddenly and mysteriously reduced my status to unverified, undocumented alien commenter. Something I said?
Meanwhile The Times continues its self-proclaimed, much ballyhooed search for female columnists. I guess you are just too “wacky” for them. The Times hasn’t developed one single strong oped writer through its stifling ranks in decades, instead pilfering them from the NY Daily News (Gail Collins, Bob Herbert), etc.
Of course, they ignore the terrific contributors/commenters on their own web site, but you nailed it: We are just guest immigrants in the vaunted halls of The Gray Lady.
Their loss!