Keep Your Government Hands Off My Bypass Burger!

Mike (“Nanny State”) Bloomberg, meet your evil twin, Jon (“Fanny State”) Basso.

While Mayor Mike decreed that all NYC restaurants ban transfats and list calorie counts, Basso’s Las Vegas restaurant proudly serves meals that are as unhealthy as possible. Named Heart Attack Grill, the place offers Bypass Burgers (the “Quadruple Bypass” runs 8,000 calories), with a side of “Flatliner Fries”, cooked in pure lard.

A theme restaurant, Heart Attack Grill’s “nurses” (waitresses) take “prescriptions” (orders) from the “patients” (you). Customers who are 350 pounds or over weigh in with a nurse, who verifies it. Then Mr Chunky eats for free. Talk about incentive!

Can you imagine what would happen to this joint in New York City? Especially after last Saturday, when a man ordered the Triple Bypass: three patties smothered in cheese and “unadulterated” bacon slices (not drained of fat from the pan). Can you guess where I’m going with this?

Yep, the man took a few bites and keeled over with a cardiovascular incident that lived up to the restaurant’s name and then some. Unfortunately, the guy didn’t qualify for the Heart Attack Grill’s cherished reward for finishing the Triple or Quadruple Bypass: being placed in a wheelchair and spun out to his car by a sexy “personal nurse.” Nope, Mr Chunky had to settle for a stretcher.

While the man is currently convalescing in a Vegas hospital, the Heart Attack Grill received quite a bit of publicity, which made Basso a happy man. What he doesn’t care for is the negative press his restaurant has received. But the criticism wasn’t about the menu– gee, why would you think that? Nope, it was about the way they portray nurses! (in Vegas, go figure).

Meanwhile Bloomberg, who not only moniters what we eat but our soda and salt intake, briefly flirted with the idea of cutting down the number of bars in the city. The outcry was instantanous, and the proposal dropped–for now. Uh, Mr Mayor, I know your intensions are honorable, but ever hear of Prohibition? Didn’t work out too well, did it? Take my smokes, even take my lard fries, but keep your little paws off my Screwdriver!

Which brings us to the heart of the matter: Is it any of the government’s business what we eat or drink? I’ve heard both sides of the argument, and it’s a tough one. The answer lies somewhere between Basso and Bloomberg’s extremes, but where?

Meanwhile, Basso has vowed to continue serving what he calls “nutritional pornography” at his restaurant, marketed under the banner “Food so bad for you it’s shocking!”

But as they say, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Including (I-C-) you, after visiting the city’s Heart Attack Grill.