New York Gritty

If you ever got the feeling that MTA board members think they are above us lowly subway riders, literally and figuratively, that feeling was strengthened by the recent actions of board member Charles Moerdler.

On Friday, May 11th, Moerdler illegally parked his Mercedes on East 44th Street outside of the Cornell Club. When the club’s assistant manager told Moerdler he couldn’t park there, the board member lashed out.

“You see this?” Moerdler bellowed, waving an MTA parking placard. “You’re lucky I’m only going to be here for just an hour or so!”

He then blithely left the Mercedes for several hours in this illegal hotel loading zone, according to the NY Daily News. “The arrogance of this man just killed me,” assistant club manager Craig Lasnier told the paper.

Board members can only use these police-issues permits when on official business, which Moerdler wasn’t. But of course, there is a deeper problem here.

Have you ever gone on the MTA board web site? Check the photos and bios. Does this look like New York to you?

This collection of corporate and real estate lawyers, with an occasional hack ex-politician (I’m talking to you, David Patterson) thrown in, represent the concerns of average citizens as much as our present Congress does. Which means not at all. Patterson replaced board member/socialite Nancy Shevall, who after attending precious few board meetings ran off to England with ex-Beatle Paul McCartney.

But I digress. What makes the MTA board constantly show contempt for us real New Yorkers? Is it these parking passes? Is it because most get around the city in luxury cars, limos or taxis, with very few deigning to join us peasants on the subway?

All of the above and more. To get a clue about how some board members see subway riders, one only has to look at Moerdler’s comments last month on getting a special prosecutor for subway crime. The courts should be “assisting us in incarcerating this garbage,” sniffed Moerdler.

This garbage. Hey, I want to prosecute subway wrongdoers as much as anyone, but do I detect a whiff of an attitude here? Wonder if he refers to crony Wall Street fraudsters as “garbage” as well. I have my doubts.

There’s a way to quickly end this arrogance, and I’ve advocated it from my very first blog post on September 12, 2010 (MTA Board: Come on Down): “If you want to serve on the MTA board, you must be required to get around town by subway or bus like the rest of us when in New York City. Board members who refuse this stipulation, who think they are too busy or important to ride public transportation, can hit the road back to the upscale suburban communities in which most of them reside.”

Only then will creeps like Moerdler stop believing they have carte blanche to block our streets and loading zones with impunity, and finally understand the issues millions of New Yorkers face on the transit system they are supposed to regulate.

Anyone have any problem with that, beside our current, out-of-touch MTA board?

Scammers are no joke. Bernie’s Madoff’s gazillion dollar, Ponzi-style rip off of thousands of people was far from funny. The Nigerian prince who has selected you to bequeath his vast fortune scam isn’t humorous either (ok, a little). But the smaller scale scams pulled off by anonymous New Yorkers are in a class by themselves.

After a few years absence, subway scammers seem to be making a comeback, and yesterday was a good example. On the downtown C train at about 8p.m., a one-legged guy on crutches painfully dragged himself through the cars panhandling, with a good number of passengers stuffing bills or coins into his cup. I got off at West 4th Street, had a leisurely dinner and got back on the subway close to midnight.

Who should I see but my disabled friend striding briskly through the cars on two legs, carrying his crutches under his arm! Did he purchase a prosthetic device or visit Lourdes in the past four hours? I started to ask, then thought better of it.

Just a few stops later, an oldie but goodie panscammer gave an encore performance of an act I’d seen years before on the subways. Toting a broken, twisted trumpet, the man played a few ear-splitting notes, as the riders recoiled in horror. Feigning innocence, he appeared hurt at our reactions to his musicianship. “Ok then, if you give me some change, I’ll stop,” he suggested. Many riders quickly took him up on his offer.

But the mother of all local scams was revealed this week. Brooklyn’s own Thomas Parkin dutifully went down to the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew his elderly mom’s license and even did the paperwork to help his mother collect her Social Security checks. What a guy! The only snag was, Parkin’s mom died a decade ago.

During a 2009 visit to renew his mother’s license, Tommy even wore mom’s favorite blond wig, red nail polish, scarf and red dress, along with his own five o’clock shadow. He sailed through the line, interview and photo and successfully renewed the license. What might this say about our DMV, you might ask? Uhm…don’t.

After collecting her Social Security checks along with almost $40,000 in social services rent supplements for two more years, someone at the agency finally noticed that his mom was deceased. Hey, better late than never.

In a courthouse interview, Parkin described himself as “a big fan of Norman Bates” in the movie Psycho. You think?

Despite all this, Parkin continued to insist he is innocent at his trial, and that this is all a big misunderstanding.

And no, he wasn’t wearing the blond wig or red dress when he said it.

Fellow New Yorker Pete Hamill has always been a hero of mine. The ex-editor of both the NY Post and NY Daily News, Hamill is also a fine novelist, and his autobiography A Drinking Life details his long, painful journey to sobriety.

Pete’s brother Denis is also a writer, known for hard-hitting, progressive columns in the News. But this week he went off the rails.

In a righteous column titled Unfair to Pour, Denis Hamill disparaged the MTA’s ban on drinking alcohol on the subway. Seriously. While he couched it in terms of a double standard– the MTA serves alcohol on both Metro North and the Long Island Railroad, but not the subway– Hamill was clearly cheerleading for allowing booze on all.

“I think (serving alcohol) is a nice service and a fine revenue-sharing idea,” said Hamill. Really Denis? I’ve ridden the LIRR on weekend nights with drunken teenagers screaming, cursing and throwing beer bottles across the aisles. If it’s a “double standard” to avoid this happening on our subways, then I’m all for it.

The MTA only decided to ban serving drinks on the LIRR between midnight and 5 a.m. after a number of its conducters were assaulted by drunks on the train. If anything, drinking (let alone serving) booze should be banned from all public transportation, but for some reason Hamill doesn’t see it that way.

He loads his double standard case by implying that the MTA is discriminating against poor New Yorkers with this ban, and that “to this day the MTA doesn’t allow you to drink a Mountain Dew, let alone a Tullamore Dew, on the subway.” Untrue. The law states that no person can carry an open container onto the subway, but once you’re on you can open the container and drink your soda– but not alcohol.

Hamill makes it clear that he has “nothing against stressed 2012 Mad Men belting martinis going home to Smithtown,” only that the practice shouldn’t be banned on the subways. What about when these sloshed businessmen get off the train, jump into their cars and swerve to their homes, endangering everyone else on the road? Nope, doesn’t seem to bother Hamill at all.

Why might that be? Pete Hamill wrote not only about his own battle with alcohol but of his dad constantly coming home drunk. Alcoholism tends to run in families, with some members doing something about it, while others live in denial.

In my old job as a trade reporter, I was having a nice conversation with a middle aged secretary about writers when the discussion turned to my admiration for the Hamills. Her smile suddenly froze on her face, and I asked why. She rolled up her sleeve and showed me an old but still very noticeable scar on her forearm.

“See this? It’s from a beer bottle hurled by an angry, drunken Denis Hamill in a Brooklyn bar many years ago,” she told me.

Maybe she made it up. Or maybe it was a one-time youthful indiscretion. Maybe it has nothing to do with Denis Hamill’s very peculiar column. But something is definitely amiss here, and the reaction to this column was best summed up by Kevin O’Sullivan’s letter to the editor of the News.

“No reasonable person would think that it’s a good idea to allow alcohol on the subway,” wrote O’Sullivan.

Does anyone disagree with this statement beside Denis Hamill?

Whatever your gripe with Mayor Bloomberg (almost everyone has one) you have to admit he is one brave SOB.

The Mayor is virtually the only U.S. politician who constantly stands up to the powerful gun lobby, and has become the number one target of the National Rifle Association (NRA) and its increasingly angry membership.

“I think Mayor Bloomberg is an arrogant bastard,” snarled member Tom Seeba at the NRA’s recent annual meeting, and this seething anger at our mayor for his stand touting sane gun laws was in evidence throughout the show by NRA leaders, speakers and membership.

Bloomberg’s two latest initiatives only added fuel to the fire. The mayor recently went to Washington DC to press for reform or repeal of the so-called Stand Your Ground laws on the books in 25 states.

“These laws have done harm to public safety, justify civilian gunplay and invite vigilante justice and retribution, with disastrous results,” said Bloomberg.

Along with NYC Police Commissioner Ray Kelly, the mayor is also leading the fight to have bullet casings carry unique markings (microstamping) that would help solve gun crimes and give a powerful tool to police in taking criminals off the streets. So far eight NYC policemen have been shot and one killed in NYC in 2012.

The law would in no way compromise Second Amendment rights. Law abiding handgun owners and hunters would feel no effect. Yet the NRA foams at the mouth at the possibility of such a law. Why? Good question, and Bloomberg’s blunt answer just makes them more furious.

“The NRA’s leaders aren’t interested in public safety,” said Bloomberg. “They are interested in power and promoting a culture where people take the law into their own hands and take no consequences for it.”

Since Bloomberg has been mayor, the NRA has poured more money to New York legislators to sway their votes than in any other state. These bribes (let’s call them what they are) helped defeat the microstamping bill when it was first proposed in 2010.

Curious that so many supposedly anti-crime, law and order type politicians are dead silent when Kelly (who may run for NYC mayor on the Republican line) joins Bloomberg in calling for sane gun laws to protect his police force and the public in general.

While I support Bloomberg and Kelly’s noble efforts, I should note that I have never been one of those anti-gun-across-the-board types. Unless you are a vegetarian, you have to be in heavy denial to not admit that those who hunt for their dinner are more honest than those of us who pick up a steak primly packaged in cellophane at Pathmark. And I regret not possessing a licenced handgun when I was assaulted by a gang of street thugs.

That being said, I also know that most gun deaths in the U.S. are not the result of criminals being shot by law-abiding citizens protecting themselves or their families, but of deranged individuals with easy access to guns or family violence or teenage suicides where the quick availability of a firearm proved all too deadly. And while there are plenty of Americans who favor responsible gun laws and ending this insanity, the hopes of this happening grow dimmer by the day.

Meanwhile, Mayor Bloomberg remains the lone sheriff in town fighting the good fight, trying to protect us from the bad guys as his fellow politicians duck for cover.

Only this time the bad guys endangering us all are the angry, power-crazed leaders of the NRA.

Have it your way, Christine Quinn– and thanks for nothing.

No sooner had Burger King announced that it would roll out food carts in 40 cities nationwide to dispense free samples of its latest menu items did City Council Speaker Quinn squash the idea.

“Doling out unhealthy food on city streets to drum up business will do more harm than good– and we won’t let it happen here,” harrumphed Quinn and three collegues in a letter to Burger King execs.

Not needing the headache, it looks like Burger King will pass up New York City for this rollout. And that’s a damn shame.

Quinn instead touts the city’s Green Cart initiative, which aims to bring fresh produce to inner city neighborhoods with a goal of 500 street cart vendors teaching the ignorant masses about healthier food alternatives. Amazing that Quinn isn’t the picture of fitness herself, considering her regular regimen of patting herself on the back.

Earth to Christine: Twenty percent of NYC is now officially living in poverty. “Increased poverty is a confirmation of what we see every day in ever-longer lines at food pantries and soup kitchens,” says Joel Berg, executive director of the NYC Coaltion Against Hunger.

In other words, more and more people simply can’t afford to buy food. Despite the lofty goals of the Green Carts, the foods they dispense still cost MONEY. Burger King is offering salads, smoothies and yes, chicken strips for FREE.

And yes Christine, we all know that obesity is epidemic. But so is poverty. And the fact is that if Burger King dispensed free food indigent parents would not only line up with their kids to get as much as they could, but get back on the end of the line for seconds.

And no Christine, these wouldn’t be unfit parents, these would be caring parents. Having smoothies and salads as a side dish to fried chicken strips might be the only way to get their kids to try this more nutritious fare, as opposed to carts laden with spinach and broccoli. And whatever the case, it puts food in the kids’ stomachs.

But now that probably won’t happen, because of smug elitists like Council Speaker Quinn.

“Such (free Burger King) food carts would undermine the important strides we have made to increase access to healthy food, particularly through the city’s Green Cart initiative which has brought hundreds of fruit and vegetable vendors to underserved communities,” continued Quinn’s righteous letter.

How dare Burger King interfere with one of her pet projects! The truth is these Green Carts have been dismal failures, with poor parents not wanting to pay the little money they have for food their kids won’t eat. Still, Quinn thinks she’s doing these neighborhoods a favor by banning the Burger King carts.

I guess she thinks no food is better than “bad” food. Easy for her to say.

So again, thanks for nothing, Christine. Because it appears that’s what thousands of poor city kids will be eating because of your misguided efforts. Nothing.

Don’t you hate waiting in line at the Post Office or DMV? How do you feel this week about the IRS? Do you know who runs these evil operations? You got it– the government!

Luckily, we have the Republican Party to save us. Social Security is undeniably one of the more successful government programs, certainly a step up from the grim poorhouses the elderly were shuttled off to pre-Social Security. But the Republicans have come up with a way to make it even better: Hand over your money to those avuncular guys on Wall Street to plunder professionally manage.

Who could argue with that? Certainly not Mitt Romney, who is proposing his own version of that wondrous initiative first proposed by sharp-as-a-tack President George W. Bush to at least partially privatize Social Security. Then we can all rest easy!

But why stop there? Can’t New Yorkers learn from these wise leaders with only our best interests at heart? Why can’t we privatize our unique assets for maximum return and efficiency?

For starters, why is Central Park still public? Wouldn’t it be even better in private hands? I’m sure some rich NYC entreprenuer would be eager to give something back to the city by taking over its operations. And we know who would be first in line, don’t we?

Yes, Central Trump! Monuments to his greatness, to his largesse, to his hair would grace the wonderful private space. He would charge fees not only to get into the zoo, but to go onto Sheep (now Trump) Meadow, to gaze at the magnificant Trump Trees and possibly meet the man himself. Imagine how much The Donald would pony up to put his own vulgar glittering stamp on that city jewel–money that would enrich city coffers. Talk about win-win capitalism!

But wait, there’s more. Let’s privatize the streets! Why allow the poor or homeless to stroll down Broadway gratis? Don’t we realize they make the tourists uncomfortable? If moguls charge even $5 a person to walk down Broadway, Columbus, 5th or Madison Avenue, imagine the revenues that could be pulled in when the city gets its cut!

Of course, if you’re white, rich and connected, all the above fees will be waived.

Ok, calm down. Yes, Geraldo Rivera’s remark about “the hoodie being as responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman” ranks among the most idiotic statements I’ve ever heard.

And yes, Rivera has been called arrogant, pompous and narcissistic, all of which I believe are true. But now he’s being called a racist, which I believe is absolutely untrue.

Let’s back up a bit. After teenage African-American Martin was killed by neighborhood vigilante Zimmerman, Rivera went on an impassioned, five minute diatribe on TV’s Fox and Friends, which included the unfortunate statement quoted above.

But if you watch the entire video, it’s clear that Rivera was reacting emotionally and yes, protectively as a father of minority kids. The next statement was “I tell my son Cruz, who is dark-skinned, to stop dressing ‘gangsta’ in a hoodie and drooping pants, or you could be mistaken for a thug.” Rivera wasn’t saying this is right, just that it’s a fact of life.

If you look at any group photo of gangs (black or white, violent felons or political anarchists) you will see mostly young males in hoodies, bandanas or both. This dress code has been hijacked to represent violence and riots worldwide.

Rivera knows this as well as anyone. While liberals, moderates and even his own son have railed against his unfortunate diarrhea of the mouth, a fairminded person can see that Rivera was worried about the nondisputable fact that minority kids are unfairly profiled. While my girlfriend wears a hoodie to go out to the market at night and doesn’t think twice about being hassled or viewed with suspicion, she would have to if she were a minority male.

This is in no way a defense of Zimmerman, who has a history of vigilante behavior and when he called 911 about Martin, ignored instructions to back off. Emboldened by Florida’s frightening “Stand Your Ground” law, he trailed a bewildered Martin, who called his girlfriend to say some guy was tailing him.

While none of us were there and we should wait until all the facts are in, Zimmerman’s report of being hurt and his nose broken after being attacked by Martin were brought into question by a video of him strolling into the police station without a mark on him, let alone a broken nose.

And if this situation were reversed–if Martin had killed Zimmerman, then claim he felt “threatened”, do you think he’d be walking around free today?

All of which proves Rivera’s point.

I haven’t been a fan of Rivera for a while. That being said, I know damn well that Rivera is not some Newt Gingrich, some heartland demogogue ready to exploit racist stereotypes.

Born in Brooklyn to a restaurant worker and a waitress, Rivera earned a law degree, then represented the Young Lords (a Puerto Rican activist group roughly equivilant to the Black Panthers) in the 1960s.
After being interviewed about the group’s occupation of an East Harlem church to protest discrimination in 1969 on TV, Rivera was seen by the news director of WABC-TV and offered a job as a reporter.

Since then, he has made his mark in journalism, both in positive and negative fashions. He won a Peabody Award for his expose of the neglect and abuse of mentally retarded patients at Staten Island’s Willowbrook State School. He was made a laughing stock when he “excavated Al Capone’s Buried Treasure”, which consisted of a few broken bottles. On his show “Geraldo” in 1988, Rivera had his nose broken by white supremists in a tv brawl.

Now he is under the gun as never before. Stephen Colbert lacerated Rivera by saying that yes, Martin’s garb could make him “appear” to some as a “gangsta”, in the same way Rivera’s suit and tie could make him “appear” to be a journalist. I laughed at that, and I’m sure Rivera now wishes he had worded his remarks much differently.

But the intent of Rivera’s remarks were right on the money. Minorities are still unfairly profiled, and sadly must take extra precautions if they are not to be targeted and put in danger by racists– and it doesn’t just take place in Florida.

If you doubt this, just ask Hispanics in the state where Rivera attended college: Arizona.

And on the 7th day, God rested? Nope, he pulled the greatest practical joke ever.

If you were to pick a city where an evangelical, anti-choice athlete who drops to one knee and prays after every score and is the hero of born-agains nationwide would live and play, where would it be?

New York City, of course!

Yep, Tim Tebow is now a New York Jet. The dysfunctional team, quickly dismissed when it tried to persuade future Hall of Famer Peyton Manning to join his brother Eli in the Big Apple, has traded for the guy the Denver Broncos couldn’t wait to dump minutes after they signed Manning.

While my politics are quite different from Tebow’s, he does seem like a good natured guy and I actually think he will adopt well to the city. There’s only one knock on the young quarterback: He can’t throw the football. Hey, no one’s perfect.

But I digress. It will be fun to see how a 24 year old self-proclaimed virgin who never drinks, smokes or uses profanity will adapt not only to the Big Apple, but to big, blustery coach Rex Ryan, who curses every time he opens his mouth and has a foot fetish video on YouTube.

Meanwhile, the fans are split about this, with many worried more about Tebow’s suspect arm than his prosthelytizing ways. If Tebow messes up here, he shouldn’t expect the pass he gets from worshipful fans in the heartland. I can hear the catcalls and see the signs already: Stop praying and start playing!

But I have the feeling the fans will like this guy. While handsome playboy Mark Sanchez fits the image of a NY Jets quarterback first established by Joe Namath (who bashed the trade for Tebow), Sanchez has had a rocky relationship with Jets fans.

And despite the seeming oddity of Tebow living here, I think in many ways he is more a real New Yorker than Sanchez could ever hope to be. Not gifted with an accurate arm (to say the least), Tebow has worked like a dog to improve, is tough as nails, charismatic and a proven winner.

I believe the first time Sanchez has a lousy game (which won’t take long), Tebow comes in and sparks the team and Sanchez comes trotting back on the field, the boos will cascade around MetLife Stadium, with cries of “We Want Tebow!” driving the indulged Sanchez to tears.

Meanwhile, according to a NY Jet source, team officials have suggested to Tebow that he live in New Jersey, to “keep him away from the temptations of NYC nightlife.” Huh? I’ve lived in the city all my life, never go clubbing or to strip joints, and I’m an agnostic. But Mr. Pious would be tempted?

What are they afraid of? That the vow-of-abstinence guy won’t be able to resist the throngs of groupies throwing themselves at him? Or that the persistent rumor that Tebow is a closeted gay is true, and the large number of attractive gay men in the city will be too much for him to resist? Are they worried that he’ll find some cute fella, renounce his religion and get married at City Hall? Enlighten me, please!

Meanwhile, Tebow has already hired the famed William Morris entertainment agency to handle his burgeoning stardom and opportunities. Maybe the Jets are onto something after all.

We are all familiar with the Wall Street fraudsters who nearly destroyed this nation in 2008, and the fact that virtually none of them has gone to jail.
We are also familiar with O.J. Simpson.

What they had in common was a ton of cash and no conscience. Sociopaths who believed that because of their wealth and connections, the rules of law didn’t apply to them. And sadly, they were right (although Simpson finally pushed it too far).

And now we have Jon Corzine and John Goodman.

Corzine, former CEO of Goldman Sachs, Senator and Governor of New Jersey, recently headed up MF Global, a financial derivatives firm. The company stole client money to try to prop up its collapsing business. Of the $6.2 billion in segregated customer assets held by the MF execs, $1.6 billion is now missing.

“Let’s not mince words here,” says The NY Times Joe Nocera. “These executives committed a crime.”

Yet somehow the prosecutors are strugging to put together a case against them, saying they are “unable to find a smoking gun.”

The company’s lawyers are proposing that this was “totally unintentional,” an unfortunate oversight that occured when the MFs were scrambling to avoid bankruptcy.

Think about that. If you or I went into a jewelry store to look at watches, pocketed a Rolex while the jeweler’s back was turned and scampered out, how far do you think we’d get claiming it was ” unintentional?”

Yet somehow Corzine, with the help of his team of high-powered lawyers, has a better than fair shot at getting away with this crime. Ironically, Corzine helped pass the Sarbanes-Oxley Act, which holds CEOs responsible for the misdeeds of their companies. Of course, this doesn’t apply to him. Right Jon?

But Corzine isn’t the only sociopath who may well get away with murder–this time in the literal sense. In Palm Beach, Florida, polo club magnate John Goodman is charged with vehicular homicide after drinking all night at an exclusive club, then running a stop sign and plowing into the car of 23 year old Scott Wilson. The collision sent Wilson’s car into a canal. Goodman strolled away, leaving Wilson to drown.

When arrested two hours later, Goodman’s blood alcohol was still at twice the level of legal intoxication. But now Goodman lawyer Roy Black, perhaps most famous for his successful defense of William Kennedy Smith on rape charges in this same county, is claiming that despite a $212 bar tab, Goodman left the club stone sober.

Black submits that his client only got drunk after visiting a friend’s house afterwards, when Goodman supposedly grabbed a bottle from his pal’s private bar and began drinking to “ease his physical and emotional pain.” Yep, only then did he decide to start drinking heavily before calling the police. Makes perfect sense.

What also made sense to Goodman was legally adopting his 42 year old girlfriend right after his arrest, giving her a large share of the more than $300 million trust he established for his two biological children, who are now suing him. Yes, an ingenious way to save millions for himself in the event that he is actually convicted in the wrongful death lawsuit.

But the chances of that happening get slimmer by the day, as Black and his expensive team pull stunt after stunt in the courtroom, dazzling and confusing the jury and overwhelming the prosecutors.

Goodman made a large cash settlement with Wilson’s parents just before the trail__ and news of the settlement was soon leaked to the press. Now Black is saying the leak taints the case because jurors will now be more likely to see Goodman as guilty. Gee, wonder who leaked it?

Anyway, as in Corzine’s case, it was a totally unintentional accident, says Black, despite all evidence to the contrary. And now it looks like Goodman may also walk away scot-free.

The moral of the story? Crime doesn’t pay! Unless you’re a sociopathic multi-millionaire.

No matter what our backgrounds or politics, there are certain values most of us can agree on. Be kind to the elderly. Healthy people who park in handicapped spots are jerks. Bullying and child abuse are horrible.

The Upper West Side’s Lady Gaga is leading an effort to combat bullying and child abuse, as are a number of prominent groups, including the Girl Scout Council of Greater NY (see my last blog). When charges of child abuse are made, we should take them very seriously. Case closed, right?

Then again, there’s an exception to every rule…

Last week in the Florida Panhandle, a pair of 71 year old retirees were enjoying a quiet round of golf, when two teenage boys thought it would be hilarious to blast an air horn each time the seniors were about to swing.

Hidden behind bushes on private property near their home behind the ninth tee, the boys kept it up until the old guys had enough and chased after them. One of the 71 year olds futilely tried to climb a chain link fence to get at them, as the boys backpedaled and mocked him.

But one of the teens dropped his jacket as he ran back to his private home. The retirees tried to fish the jacket back over the fence with their aluminum ball retrievers. The outraged boy ran back, screaming at them in a heavy southern accent “Hey dudes–you can’t do that! That’s stealing!”

Big mistake. As soon as the teen was in range, the furious seniors started smacking him on his back and shoulders with their ball retrievers, as the teen’s accomplice frantically sounded the air horn while videotaping the scene. The now panicky teen scrambled to dodge the blows, then scurried back to his home.

End of story, right? Wrong. The teen showed the video to his dad, who was irate__at the retirees. Even though his son wasn’t hurt, the dad marched the tape to the golf course manager to identify the attackers of his poor boy. He then called the police, who arrested the two seniors and charged them with child abuse.

The video was posted on YouTube and elicited a number of thoughtful responses, ranging from “Ha ha–you just got beat up by a 70 year old!” to “Good for the geezers! But a ball retriever? I would have used a 9 iron”, to “Good job kids! I salute you for annoying the hell out of these douchebag golfers!”

Yes, child abuse is an awful thing. So is senior abuse. You decide which applies here.