Revealed: A Hillary Email

While FBI director James Comey recommended no charges against Hillary Clinton regarding her emails, I still wanted to see for myself how secure her server is. Using a friendly hacker, it wasn’t long before I was reading them all, and let me tell you, this is one frustrated woman!

Here’s one she sent to a friend during this week’s Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia:

“Aack! I can’t believe I’m behind in the latest polls to this…this con artist! Do people really dislike me that much? I’m a nice person, dammit!

My pollsters say I’ve got to show more pizzazz, be more ‘hip’, to appeal to young voters. Maybe before I give my acceptance speech on Thursday, I’ll dye my hair fire-engine red. Hah!! That’ll show them pizzazz!

Or maybe I’ll get a tattoo. What should it say? My slogan, ‘I’m with her’? No, I am her. ‘They’re with stupid’? How about ‘Trump sucks’? Too much?

“I can’t believe the creator of ‘Trump University’ calls me Crooked Hillary. LOL! Maybe I should call him Don the Con. President Obama ‘faked’ his birth certificate? Ted Cruz’s father was in on the Kennedy assassination? WTF? If I said things like that, I’d be put in a straightjacket. But he gets away with it. Aagh!

“He’s lecturing me about honesty? It’s like Chris Christie saying ‘Hillary, you’ve put on weight, have a salad.’ The gall of these guys!

“Michelle Obama was terrific Monday night__she’s a natural. Like my husband Bill Clinton, who charmed with his folksy speech Tuesday. Great. Now I’m going to look like a stiff with mine. And if Obama calls me “likeable enough” again when he speaks tonight, I swear I’ll rush the stage.

“What should I highlight in my acceptance speech? Should I make crystal clear how incredibly smart I am, how knowledgeable about world affairs? Men hate a woman who is smarter than them.

“Too bad! What if I put this in my speech: I am smarter than all of you—deal with it!

“Let me run these ideas by Bill. Where did he go? Bill?? Maybe I’ll shoot him an e-mail. Oh wait…

 

 

 

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The Donald Has a Dream

Now that Donald Trump’s campaign has shrugged off his wife Melania’s almost word-for-word plagiarism of parts of Michelle Obama’s 2008 convention speech, he is ready to deliver his acceptance speech on Thursday night. I have gotten a sneak peek. Here you go:

“Friends, relatives and all Americans, whether good-looking, ugly, stupid or fat — I accept your nomination!

“Three score and 10 years ago, a great man was born — and you’re looking at him! People tell me I was always destined to lead us, and who am I to argue?

“Because I had a dream — that someday, all my friends, relatives, little and big children, wives and ex-wives would meet in Cleveland, give speeches, join hands and give thanks that such an incredible winner as I will now lead this nation into the promised land.

“My childhood has prepared me well for this task. Someone once chopped down a cherry tree in my family’s huge front yard, and for some reason my father immediately confronted me about it. I said, ‘Father, I cannot tell a lie — my sister did it!’

“For some reason dad didn’t believe me, snatched the bushel basket of cherries I was hawking on the street from my tiny hands and shipped me off to military school. But it taught me a valuable lesson. When you pull a scam, make sure you have plausible deniability!

“I promise to be the most incredible, winning-ist president in history, dedicated to the principle that all men are created equal, except perhaps for the Mexicans, the blacks, and the Muslims, who, by the way, all love me.

“So my fellow real Americans, ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for me! And by that, I mean help me govern this great nation we love, while I nap or play golf in Scotland.

“Help me make America hate — I mean great — again! And when we do, we will let freedom ring from the majesty of Trump Tower, to the halls of Mar-A-Lago, to the humble homes of all you losers out there.

“And when I become your president, we will all join hands and say, ‘Free at last, free at last, thank Trump almighty, we are free at last!’ ”

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Does Demolition Run in Trump’s Blood?

As the nation prepares for the Republican convention next week, the Coney Island History Project is exhibiting “The 50th Anniversary of Fred Trump’s Demolition of the Steeplechase Pavilion.”

Older Brooklynites still mourn the destruction of the majestic fun palace, with its chiseled, mechanical horses that raced out over the boardwalk. Why did Fred Trump do this after purchasing the property, aiming to build condos on the site? He wanted to destroy Steeplechase before the city declared it a protected landmark, so he took a group of showgirls to Coney Island to hurl rocks through its stained glass façade.

Flash forward 50 years, where Trump’s son Donald seems to be attempting to do his dad one better — the demolition of the Republican Party.

The Republicans will convene in Cleveland Monday, and the only one who seems to be looking forward to it is Donald Trump. As GOP politicians scramble to avoid the convention, Cleveland police brace for mayhem in the streets.

Like a goat set loose in a dress shop, Trump’s reckless bigotry and demagoguery have torn the party to shreds. Not that it needed much help. It had moved from the party of Lincoln to the party of lunacy, riddled with science deniers and gun nuts who view compromise as a sin.

But just when you think the party has hit bottom, the trap door opens, and from the netherworld emerges Trump, seemingly determined to deliver the coup de grace next week.

Steeplechase was once the most iconic amusement park in Brooklyn. Fred Trump didn’t seem to care. The Republican Party of abolition of slavery and principled leadership was once a building block of America’s greatness. But Donald Trump’s brand of agitation in troubled times won’t make America great again.

Make America hate again? Unfortunately, that seems closer to the truth. Pitting Americans against each other can only end badly, which I fear will come to a head at next week’s conclave, both inside and outside the convention walls.

Comedians Bill Maher and Stephen Colbert plan extended TV convention coverage, expecting a laugh riot.

I just expect a riot. I hope I’m wrong.

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Last Brexit to Brooklyn?

‘Welcome to Brooklyn, 4th Largest City in America.”

Until recently, that sign graced an entrance to the Verrazano Bridge. Perhaps it’s time to reinstall it.

After Britain’s vote to exit from the European Union (the Brexit), and with Texas threatening to secede from the United States (the Texit), don’t be surprised when Brooklynites start clamoring to again separate from NYC (the Brooksit?).

Yes, again. Did you know Brooklyn was once an independent city? When it consolidated with other boroughs to become part of Greater New York more than a century ago, the decision was soon mocked as “the great mistake of 1898” by many locals. And the sign is accurate — Brooklyn’s 2.6 million is right behind Los Angeles and Chicago in population.

The Brooklyn Tourism Visitors Center guides visitors to many destinations, from the rides at Coney Island to concerts and professional sports at Barclay’s Center. The hot dog-eating contest Monday at Nathan’s showcased Brooklyn’s appeal, drawing huge crowds and TV coverage.

“Brooklyn is one of the world’s most iconic places,” said Carlo Scissura, president of the Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce.

From the time I was growing up in Flatbush to now, Brooklyn always flashed its attitude and pride. Now it has the economic clout to go along with that swagger. It has consistently outperformed NYC and state in job growth since 2000, reports the chamber.

Meanwhile, Councilman Joe Borelli (R-S.I.) has revised the idea that Staten Island secede from NYC (a non-binding referendum passed in 1993), if it can be self-sustaining. No offense, but Brooklyn’s property tax revenue stream puts Staten Island’s to shame. Brooklyn is now rated the most expensive place to live in the nation, says RealtyTrac.

Would it be in its best interest to secede? There are downsides. For example, it would be tough getting around without the NYC subway system. But hey, Brooklynites love to bike!

Major cities compete for tourist dollars, hawking attractions and iconic slogans. But no market is hotter than Brooklyn. While NYC’s “Big Apple” designation is a bit overripe, and “Chicago: 2nd to None” is untrue, a city of Brooklyn slogan would ring out loud and clear. Yo, Brooklyn!

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Uptown Subway Detour Provides Window Into Reality

Upon entering the West 86th Street-Central Park West station on Saturday, I saw the dreaded yellow tape blocking the use of downtown trains. Isn’t the weekend subway schedule fun?

As I realized I’d be late for my niece’s birthday party in Brooklyn, an uptown train barreled into the station. A wiry guy with a scowl jumped the turnstile. On the train, he started baiting a chubby guy next to him.

“What the [expletive] are you looking at?”

Chubby guy didn’t respond, which emboldened the subway bully.

“You fat slob — let’s get off at the next station and I’ll kick your [expletive]!”

A mom sheltered her daughter as the nasty guy bellowed profanities.

Meanwhile, a well-dressed young man who looked like an actor sat quietly on the other side of nasty guy.

Suddenly, nasty guy rose and stormed up and down the car, slammed chubby guy’s shoulder, then leaned against the door. When the train pulled into the 116th Street station, actor-looking-guy rose to leave.

“You’re in my way,” he evenly told nasty guy, who spun around.

“Oh, you want some, too?” nasty guy said. “Get off and I’ll whip you!”

On the platform, actor-looking-guy whirled, put up his fists, and said, “Go ahead, big mouth!”

Through the window, I could see actor-looking-guy knew what he was doing. Was he a cop? A righteous avenger sent by God to right all wrongs?

I couldn’t wait to see subway avenger teach nasty guy a lesson, but as they circled each other, the train left the station. Aagh!

At 125th Street, I switched to the downtown D train.

A few days before, I’d read a report from the city Department of Investigation stating that “broken windows” policing, based on the idea that stopping smaller crimes prevents bigger ones, doesn’t work.

Police Commissioner Bill Bratton, who saw crime fall after instituting a crackdown on quality-of-life offenses in the ’90s, called the report “deeply flawed.”

Indeed, Saturday’s subway incident seemed a perfect example of Bratton’s concerns. If nasty guy had been apprehended when he jumped the turnstile, couldn’t the larger offense of terrorizing a subway car have been prevented?

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Visually Impaired and Riding Like the Wind

What’s your favorite way to exercise?

For many New Yorkers, it’s bicycling. Now imagine never being able to cycle again because of failing vision. That’s a reality Vern Vergara of Manhattan no longer endures, thanks to In Tandem, which provides tandem bicycling opportunities to people with disabilities.

Riding in Central Park with the wind in her hair on a bicycle built for two, Vergara feels exhilarated. “I used to bike a lot when I had 20/20 vision, and only dreamed of doing so again after my sight became impaired,” she tells me.

Vergara’s wish has come true. She and other visually limited riders count on their buddy “captains,” who pedal and steer in the front seat while “stokers” such as Vergara pedal in back.

“I pedal with confidence as my fully sighted captain up front describes the scenery and goings-on around us,” says Vergara, a fundraising and marketing specialist for Baruch College’s Computer Center for Visually Impaired People.

“We started in 2014 with about 15 stokers and captains,” says Stanley Zucker, In Tandem’s executive director. “By year’s end, we had 50 or more of each.” The group rides Saturday mornings and Thursday evenings in Central Park, and wants to expand into the other boroughs.

Mark Carhart, In Tandem’s co-founder, says the group’s social aspect is a vital factor for both captains and stokers. “You’re really close to each other,” Carhart told NY1, “with an opportunity to connect with another New Yorker in a way that you often don’t get to do.”

That connection is enhanced when the group takes part in special activities, such as its Donut Ride through four boroughs in October. Doughnut shops along the route agree to stay open all night to accommodate the riders.

But what makes the group special is how it makes a difference in people’s lives. “We are always looking for experienced cyclists to be captains,” says Zucker. If you’re interested, gather more information at intandembike.org.

“My experience with In Tandem has enriched my body, mind and spirit,” says Vergara. “I get a great workout, meet wonderful people and leave with quite a high. I feel free from the bondage of visual impairment. Liberated!”

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Time to Stop Politicizing Tragedy

Even before all the bodies were removed from the massacre at a gay nightclub in Orlando, voices rang out. End gun violence! Obliterate terrorism! Stop the hate!

All are just causes. But the politicians and media outlets that display knee-jerk, self-serving reactions do us no favors.

Before all the facts were in, Donald Trump made the shooting about himself, tweeting “appreciate the congrats for being right,” then darkly suggested that President Barack Obama might “get” the attack “better than anyone understands.”

Meanwhile, serious questions have arisen. How did Omar Mateen, a man with a history of domestic abuse investigated by police, and who was interviewed twice by the FBI about possible links to terrorism, have access to an AR-15 rifle?

Before 2004, he wouldn’t have. The federal assault weapons ban of 1994 effectively prohibited manufacture and sale of this deadly rifle. But in 2004, after heavy lobbying of politicians by the NRA, the ban was allowed to expire.

As far as terrorism, the FBI is under fire. When bureau agents interviewed Mateen, they found nothing to warrant action. We don’t want privacy violated by government, but maybe the threshold of what constitutes sufficient cause should be re-examined.

After Nazi atrocities of World War II, Germany outlawed public display of the swastika, the Nazi salute and other such tributes. After 9/11, San Bernadino and now Orlando, perhaps it’s time to not only crack down on those who honor Islamic killers on Facebook pages, but also diligently track them?

We’ve got a serious problem with homegrown terrorism, as well as gun-related mass killing. And the third spoke on this wheel is intolerance. These aren’t right- or left-wing problems — they’re our problems. Most Americans aren’t against gun ownership, but they do favor stringent background checks and monitoring of potential terror suspects.

So let’s stop pointing fingers after every horrific event, and take concrete action — before the next tragedy. “This is not a time to either politicize or jump to conclusions,” said Libertarian Party presidential candidate Gary Johnson, “[but to] understand how this attack came about and respond accordingly.”

Amen.

 

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Why Are Provocative People So Thin-Skinned?

There’s an epidemic in America, and I’m not talking about the Zika virus. I mean multitudes of angry, vulgar citizens who think it’s OK to provoke and insult others, then whine when someone goes back at them.

Call me crazy (or ugly, or a loser), but New York’s own Donald Trump seems to fit that mold. Last week, Hillary Clinton went back at Trump with a vengeance.

Clinton said Trump’s “bizarre rants, personal feuds and outright lies” make him unfit to hold office. She believes granting someone of his temperament access to our nuclear codes is insanity, because the tweet-a-holic could start a war if someone “got under his very thin skin” — and that he’d probably even tweet some nasty response to her speech.

To prove her wrong, Trump immediately tweeted “Bad Performance by Crooked Hillary Clinton!” and told The New York Times that he is, in fact, “the opposite of thin-skinned.”

Speaking of hot air, another sensitive individual recently made news on a JetBlue flight out of New York. I’m talking about a burlesque dancer who goes by the name Maggie McMuffin. She tried to board the flight to Seattle in skimpy, zebra-striped hotpants. No one raised objections on the first leg of her journey — hey, we New Yorkers are used to women parading virtually nude around Times Square — but a stopover in Boston was a different story.

The Boston JetBlue crew, apparently concerned McMuffin’s cheesy outfit might offend families on the flight (or give grandpa a heart attack), requested she change into something more appropriate.

Despite JetBlue offering to pay for the new outfit she purchased at the airport, the exotic dancer was outraged, accused the airline of “slut-shaming” and demanded an apology from the pilot.

Meanwhile, McMuffin’s strategy of whining on social media has gotten her a flight credit, not to mention tons of free publicity (you’re welcome), while Trump has pulled within 2 points of Clinton in the latest CNN national poll.

So parents, think twice before chastising that whiny little brat in the backseat. He or she may wind up being president of the United States — or at least the star of a reality show.

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Up Against The Wall, Nerds!

If you see something, say something. And what I’ve seen lately is everyone from high school brainiacs to angry airline passengers detained, searched and otherwise hassled. Are the efforts misdirected?

A recent unannounced weapons scan at the entrance to the Bronx High School of Science held up instruction for hours, as students panicked about missing their calculus exams.

“I definitely felt that it was not necessary,” a student told the Daily News. “I feel we’re too nerdy to carry weapons.”

Surprise. Some utility knives and a box cutter were confiscated from a few armed geeks, even at the elite school.

But some want to eliminate the scanners. “Making students go through metal detectors to go to school sends a terrible message,” Donna Lieberman, executive director of the New York Civil Liberties Union, told The Associated Press.

Here’s another terrible message: Put your hands up and give me your money! In a month’s span this spring, four NYC students were caught with loaded guns in school. Still, some parent groups insist metal detectors are unnecessary because crime has dropped in schools. Has it ever occurred to them this may be due to confiscation of weapons?

Meanwhile, airport security lines are out of control, causing thousands of passengers to miss flights. Making families going to Disney World or business travelers unpack their laptops and remove shoes is a waste of time. The profile for potential terrorists is clear. Do we need to pull aside grandmothers, pat them down and rummage through their bags so those who fit the profile don’t feel singled out?

The last time I flew from Kennedy Airport, the TSA PreCheck line was virtually empty, while the regular line seemed to stretch back to Long Island. Why not allow more frequent fliers and other trusted passengers the expedited service, without charge?

Whether at our airports or our schools, we should be less concerned about hurting people’s feelings and more concerned with preventing people from actually getting hurt. Let’s start by deploying well-trained, respectful, common sense agents where they’re actually needed. Meanwhile, perhaps the P.C. police can give it a rest.

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Huma and Hillary: Soulmates in Humiliation

It takes one to know one. I’m talking about women who have been humiliated by their husbands, and Hillary Clinton’s top aide Huma Abedin is a poster child for that unhappy club.

After the release of the new (and surprisingly compelling) documentary “Weiner,” it’s not hard to see why Abedin, the wife of former Congressman-exhibitionist Anthony Weiner, is a perfect match for Hillary Clinton.

I assume Weiner envisioned the documentary as a redemptive, comeback kid-type of tale — until he reverted to his sexting, junk flashing “Carlos Danger” persona. A gifted politician, Weiner clearly has a fatal flaw that isn’t going away.

But is his wife?

Why did Abedin stay with Weiner after he betrayed her a second time? A similar question could be asked of Clinton. Why stay with a serial philanderer? Do they both sincerely believe in their “for better or for worse” wedding vows? Perhaps to a fault?

If anyone understands Clinton, it’s Abedin, and she fiercely guards the presidential candidate’s privacy. Anyone who wants to get Hillary’s ear first has to go through Huma, according to Vanity Fair.

As they prepare to face yet another man who not only has unorthodox relationships with women but also belittles them, the H team can draw on their experience dealing with such men. So the first time Donald Trump tries a cheap personal attack on Hillary Clinton at a debate, he should duck, because as they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Meanwhile, Hillary and Huma’s bond is palpable. “If I had a second daughter, it would be Huma,” Hillary Clinton has said.

I saw the “Weiner” documentary over the weekend. Before I did, I had a bunch of funny, Thelma and Louise-type laugh lines ready for this column. But seeing Abedin’s face at the end of this film, the shock and sadness in her eyes, I didn’t have the heart.

Before this scandal broke, Huma Abedin’s first allegiance was to her mercurial husband, Weiner. But after being repeatedly humiliated by him and having her faith shattered, it seems the No. 1 adult in her life now is the person she trusts most and has a special bond with: her boss, confidant and mutual protector, Hillary Clinton.

Can you blame her?

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